To my dismay, she said she feels like she’s settling for me. This friend had just ended a relationship, so I’m not sure what they were discussing prior, but I clearly heard Lou mention that after all the awful guys she’s been with, settling for me would be a good choice.
I may not be thinking clearly, but I really need to share what’s been weighing on me. Just two days ago, I returned home from basketball a bit earlier than usual. While I was there, I overheard my fiancée, Lou, chatting with her friend. To my shock, she mentioned that she feels like she’s settling for me. This friend had just come out of a relationship, so I’m not sure what led to that comment, but I distinctly heard Lou say that after all the terrible guys she’s dated, being with me is a step up. She went on to list my job and the benefits of being with me, but love didn’t seem to make the cut. That hit me hard. I stood there, completely stunned, and I can’t shake the feeling that she might not even love me.
For some background, we live in a beach house that I bought and renovated myself, and I also own several rental properties. I work from home in property insurance and flip houses on the side. I take pride in what I’ve achieved in life, and I thought Lou appreciated that. Yet, it seems she values my accomplishments more than the love we share. I’ve always tried to support her dreams and ensure she had everything she needed. Honestly, I’ve been in a dark place since hearing that. Last night, I found myself going through her messages. I knew her password but had never looked before...
It's something she often says, and all her friends are well aware of it. Lou is looking for a "nice, normal guy" after dealing with a string of jerks. She craves a life free of drama, where she can feel cared for. Each time I come across her true feelings about me, it feels like another stab to my heart. My initial impulse is to confront her, to shout about it. Then I think about making her feel the same pain I do.
My beloved Lou, the one I thought was my everything, is currently out of work. She left her job to pursue a career in real estate. Perhaps she wanted to dive deeper into the field, or maybe she believed her looks would carry her through. Right now, she’s not employed. She also lives in my house, which she has decorated with her personal flair, but the title is solely in my name. The car she drives is technically mine as well; she couldn’t secure financing on her own, so I co-signed for her dream car. I could argue that it’s my vehicle. We don’t share any joint accounts (thank goodness, as she did suggest it), and I’m currently covering her credit card bills. I often fantasize about showing her those texts, tossing her belongings into garbage bags, and leaving her out on the street.
But then I pause, caught in the whirlwind of my emotions. The thought of confronting her, of laying bare the hurt she’s caused me, feels like a double-edged sword. I know that if I unleash my feelings, it could shatter the fragile peace we’ve managed to maintain. Yet, the weight of her indifference is suffocating. I can’t help but feel like a fool, pouring my heart into a relationship where I’m not even a blip on her radar.
I remember the early days, when everything felt electric and alive. We laughed, shared dreams, and painted a future together. But now, it feels like I’m living in a shadow of what once was. I see her scrolling through her phone, her laughter ringing out as she chats with friends, and I can’t help but wonder if I’m just a placeholder in her life. The thought gnaws at me, a relentless reminder that I’m not the “nice, normal guy” she’s searching for.
As I watch her, I can’t shake the feeling of resentment that bubbles beneath the surface. I’ve sacrificed so much for her—my time, money and my resources but I did I get in return, nothing.
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